What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 07:35
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Coating satellites with super-black paint Vantablack could help fight light pollution crisis - Space
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But, we were locked up after school.
Doesn't Musk hire Security for his Tesla dealerships?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I waited trembling.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So, i spoilt her more .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My Wife Was With a New Man. The Moment I Saw His “Package” Still Haunts Me. - Slate Magazine
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I have no regrets .
I couldn’t, believe it.
What misfortune led to an important discovery?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was in good health!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
So whats the point in blame.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What do you think about a sister's love?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it wasn’t much.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What are some signs that a therapist may have poor boundaries with their clients?
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Comes on , in middle age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
How can someone effectively handle a targeted individual?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She loved him until the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Who then, do I blame.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I write beautiful poetry .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was scared of men, in general
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were not on the streets..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I think the readers, may guess!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But ive been too sick for many years..
We all went to grammer schools
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She found it foreign!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I said to her
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He knew the spot.
Put me off passion for life!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My family never makes their pension either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She wouldn,t have been !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was 9 years of age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
Would this be the day?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was very sick at this time too.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My life is so biszare .
Ive learnt so much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What did i know ?
When she asked me how she looked .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is soul school!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I don,t even have a pension.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.